Triticum Turgidum

Lying Dormant and Waiting to Bloom Since 2005

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Location: The Prairie, Illinois, United States

I am a beauty-loving ambidextrous higher-order primate who learned transcendental meditation at 7, statistical analysis at 23, tap dancing at 30, and piano at 35. I tolerate gluten, lactose, and differences of opinion, but not abuse. Or beets.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Cereal = Crack

This gestational diabetes crap is driving me insane. I have to eat six times a day and test my blood four times a day. I can't eat more than a small serving of carbs at each meal or I'll drive my blood glucose too high. Result: I eat tofu and dream of muffins. I eat chicken and dream of corn chips. I eat low-carb bread and dream of fruit. Who the hell dreams of fruit? I'll tell you who: people who aren't allowed to have adult-sized servings of it. Every morning I fantasize about downing a huge, icy glass of orange juice, and end up reaching, bleary-eyed, for "orange flavored" unsweetened sparkling water.

But in spite of the staggering variety of carby foods that make their way into my dreams, there's nothing I desire more than cereal.

For years I've avoided buying cereal because, if it's even the tiniest bit sweetened, I'll polish off the whole box. Who needs milk? Bah. My sugar and carb cravings are satisfied by the direct slap cereal gives my pancreas, and my OCD tendencies are satisfied by the repetitive behavioral pattern of reaching into the box for fistful after grubby fistful of sweet grainy serotonin-boosting goodness. I love the crinkly sound of the inner wrapper in the box. I love the crunch of each sparkly nugget. For me, cereal is like crack. I could simplify the whole process by holding a lighter under the spoon, caramelizing the sugar to syrup and thereby rendering it injectible, but that would rob me of the euphoria produced by a 45-minute jaw workout. And who'm I kidding? I don't even use a spoon.

Last night I had a cereal meltdown. Ignoring the little warning voice in my head, I went to the store and picked up a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. They have 23 grams of carbs/cup, about half the carb content of most other cereals. Must be the air. You'd think that "natural," unsweetened cereals would have fewer carbs, but you would be wrong. I know because I wandered up and down the aisle checking labels for a good 30 minutes. For instance, if you're watching carbs, do not under any circumstances buy Grape*Nuts. One cup of that famous farinous buckshot has almost 100 grams of carbs. They should sell it with a syringe pre-loaded with insulin. The only person who can eat Grape*Nuts with no fear whatsoever of overloading his body with glucose is Lance Armstrong, and that's only if he's planning to race within an hour of eating.

So. I brought home the box of Honey Nut Cheerios, planning -- completely pure of heart -- to have ONE CUP along with some protein for my evening snack. One cup, 23 grams. That's it. So I had my protein (some nuts), and then I ate my precious little cup, one Cheerio at a time, like a toddler. Oh, the balance of sweetness and salt and just the right amount of crunch. Oh, the joy of honey-sweetened grain! Before I knew it my bowl was empty. One more half cup couldn't hurt, could it?

Blink -- gone.

Next thing I know -- I think I blacked out -- the box was flat on the table, half empty. I'd completely done away with the bowl and was two-fisting it. When I came to, both palms were sticky and I was starting to hyperventilate from the sugar rush.

Cut to this morning: fasting blood sugar was 74, perfectly acceptable. But I hate to think what my poor body was going through in the hours following the binge. I hate to think of my little fetus swimming in sweetened amniotic fluid.

I hereby vow, publicly, not to buy cereal again.

I just have to finish off the rest of this box.


Blogger katiedid said...

So funny.

(Sorry you're having to deal with gestational diabetes, though)

3:37 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger mireille said...

frightening insight into the addict's mind. loved it. want some SugarPops. xoxoxo

4:59 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger WinterWheat said...

This is exactly why I've never tried cocaine, despite countless opportunities over the past 20 years.

Who was it who originally said, "Know thyself"? Wise words.

I can see you understand the mind of the addict. *ponders Mireille's history*

6:02 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Jonniker said...

Jesus, I don't even LIKE cereal, and this post made me want to run out and buy a large tub of Frosted Flakes.

God, I used to eat GrapeNuts. I never looked at the carb content before, but 100 grams? Holy hell.

7:34 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger mireille said...

re mireille's history: you know I went to RC. really, doesn't that say it all? xoxoxo

9:14 AM, July 30, 2005  
Blogger WinterWheat said...

Mireille -- you hippie, you. I bet you went to classes in your jammies too.

9:36 AM, July 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world Kris , Now stop that .' Bran ',pure unrefined (no sugar) you will learn to love it ,LOL. Fiber is your answer Lots of it. Low G-index foods (legumes), try to eat any carbs in the early part of the day. Cheese is good LOW fat of course ,peanut or almond butter. If you eat bread do a rye. Wild rice is great instead of real rice. Next you will be dreaming of pasta, so be ready. LOL You will soon think of sugars as poison, I do. Now you know why I don't need much insulin. Be well Hugs Katie

1:05 PM, July 30, 2005  
Blogger cjblue said...

Maybe you should see if you can find those individual serving-size boxes that they hve at restaurants and school cafeterias. That way when you really really need to, you can get your fix but it will be controlled.

I am the same way with doritos, and had banned them from the house but they come in those small snack bag combo boxes that my husband buys for lunches. So when I really, really need a dorito (maybe twice a year) I can have the 1 oz serving size and that's enough - although I know full well if there was a bag in front of me, it would be half gone, or more.

And I'm sure Jermajesty was not harmed in any way by your little sugar binge.

10:08 AM, July 31, 2005  
Blogger mreenymo said...

Kris, you're pregnant, you're hungry, it's as simple as that. And, I bet you will never, ever have these types of cravings again (unless you and G go for numero 2!).

I was ravenous both pregnancies, constantly hungry, like I could not fill that black hole at the pit of my stomach. If sugared cereal is all you want, you are lucky. With my daughter, I craved burgers, cupcakes, grapefruits and Pop Tarts! Yes, Pop Tarts! Go figure? And I haven't even thought about one since then.

And, I was at risk for gestational diabetes, too. Luckily, I had an excellent OB, who watched me like a hawk.

But to be honest, I was so hungry, so tired, so everything, that I just pampered myself as much as I could throughout the entire 9 months.

I think I held up pretty well! :) And both of my kids are big, healthy and sturdy!


3:06 PM, August 01, 2005  

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