Triticum Turgidum

Lying Dormant and Waiting to Bloom Since 2005

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Location: The Prairie, Illinois, United States

I am a beauty-loving ambidextrous higher-order primate who learned transcendental meditation at 7, statistical analysis at 23, tap dancing at 30, and piano at 35. I tolerate gluten, lactose, and differences of opinion, but not abuse. Or beets.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Jackson (Hell) Hole

This week I'm going to the Snake River Lodge & Spa in Teton Village, Wyoming.

It's not what you think. There will be no cavorting or second honeymooning. I'm going to present a summary of three years of research done in fulfillment of a grant from a very generous foundation. They treat their grantees to a yearly "retreat" in a beautiful location. Last year we were in Aspen, Colorado.

Cake, right?

Not exactly. It doesn't feel like a "retreat" when you're trying to persuade your hosts that the $300,000 they gave you was wisely spent. And the spirit of the event is one of "constructive development." Since we're a multidisciplinary crowd, what this means is that you present your ongoing research and each audience member subsequently demands to know why you aren't using the key theories and methods routinely used in THEIR field. It goes something like this:

Q: "Why didn't you cite the work of Professor Rupert T. Gasbaggia?" (incredulous tone)

Honest A: "Because I don't know who the hell he is, and I don't care. The world doesn't revolve around Gasbaggia or your field. 99.999% of the people on this earth don't know who Gasbaggia is. It would have made more sense for you to ask me why I didn't cite Madonna."

Diplomatic A: "Hmmm... good idea. I cited the work that I thought was most relevant, but now that you mention it, I see it was an error of the highest order to have overlooked Gasbaggia. Thanks!" (bright smile followed by mental resolution NOT to cite Gasbaggia)

From my fear of being attacked during my talk by my pleasant but overly educated, narcissistic, and competitive companions (hey, it takes one to know one) to my fear of not being ABLE to give a talk due to altitude-induced vomiting and diarrhea, I'm a bit of a basket case.

Ah well, at least I get to wear jeans and comfortable shoes.


Blogger mireille said...

1) immodium.
2) perhaps extra canister of oxygen
3) favorite fragrance and a lot of it
4) xanax or, better yet, klonopin
5) internal voice repeating "my work is more valid than your work. my work is more valid than your work. my work is more valid than your work."
6) have fun! report back!


10:15 AM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger mreenymo said...

You have a talent for taking a 'serious' professional situation and exposing it for the absurdity that it really is.

If you keep that in mind and your great sense of humor in tact, you will be fine, K.

Have a safe...and fun!...time.


11:50 AM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger WinterWheat said...

Thanks to two awesome and commanding ladies for the support. I will imagine your faces (well, mreenymo's, because I haven't met mireille yet) in the audience to calm myself. :-)

12:15 PM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

Oh Kris, I'm writhing with jealousy!!

More important than anything...are you going to be able to see clearing while you're in Wyoming? I know its a big state but hey, opportunity knocks!
Have a great time. You will be fabulous.

4:57 PM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger Jonniker said...

Miri's got it. Bring Immodium. And Klonopin.

But ah, K, good luck! I will be thinking of you and hoping for good things the whole time.

9:51 PM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger Atreau said...

Have a blast, picture everyone in thier underwear or doing things they only do behind closed doors! ;)

11:10 PM, June 14, 2005  
Blogger cjblue said...

Ah, K. Yikes! I feel for you. But I know you are brilliant, can fake confidence and you'll wow them with your dazzling good looks.

Then perhaps, you'll get to cavort.

I'm sending good presentation vibes.

2:38 PM, June 15, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RUUUUUUUUUUBES! WheredidyougoI'mrunningaroundincircles. *pukes on the floor in glee, how could you leave me?* xo -Imp

3:10 AM, June 24, 2005  

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