A Recipe to Make Kids Pee their Pants with Glee

Cheeseburger Cookies. These are also called Big Mac Cookies, but I don't want to plug McDonald's here.

1 box Nilla wafers
1 box Keebler Grasshopper cookies
1 tub vanilla frosting
1 small bag shredded sweetened coconut
a few tablespoons sesame seeds
1 egg white
red, yellow, and green food coloring
1/2 teaspoon almond extract (optional)

Prep: Sort out 40 “perfect” Nilla wafers, and 40 not-so-perfect ones. There should be just enough in the box. The “perfect” ones will be the top buns, the others the bottom buns. Brush the tops of the “perfect” ones very lightly with egg white, then sprinkle with sesame seeds. Let dry while you color the frosting and coconut. To color the frosting pale orange (the color of cheese), use red and yellow food coloring, starting with 3 drops yellow and 1 drop red. If you want, flavor the frosting with the almond extract (this is traditional), but honestly I find that the almond clashes a bit with the mint of the Grasshopper cookies. To color the coconut pale green (the color of shredded iceberg lettuce), use one drop green and one yellow. Put coconut in a big, air-filled Ziploc bag, and shake for a few minutes until uniformly colored.

Assembly: Start with a not-so-perfect vanilla wafer for the bottom bun. Dab with a little frosting (glue), then top with a mint cookie. Dab with more frosting (enough to squeeze out the sides and look like melted cheese), and top lightly with green coconut. Squish a sesame-seed-decorated vanilla wafer on top, just so the whole is “glued” together and looks – voila! – like a little cheeseburger!!!

Repeat until you start to question your purpose in life. When finished, set aside in a cool, dry place to “cure” (the frosting needs to harden to hold it all together), preferably overnight. Makes 40 “cheeseburgers” because there are forty “patties” in the Grasshoppers package.

Hint: Use a Ziploc bag to apply the frosting. Spoon it into a corner of the bag, snip the corner off, and use as you would a pastry bag.

Wow, for somebody who doesn't like to plug brand names, I've sure used the word "Ziploc" a lot. And "Nilla" and "Keebler." Hmm.

Anyway, I've included a picture posted by "Chef Kathy" at recipezaar.com, but I've got to tell you, she overdid the cheese (these aren't nachos, Kathy) and has got the placement and color of the lettuce ALL WRONG. Iceberg lettuce is not the color of astroturf. And it goes on TOP of the patty, not underneath it. Jeez.

A word to the wise, friends: please use your aesthetic sensibilities when constructing these cookies.

Suitable for kids of all ages but those who get the cheeseburger concept and delight in mini versions of everyday foods and objects -- that is to say, kids about 7 and up -- will find them positively enchanting. You will be the hero of the picnic. Plus, if you have your own kids, you can recruit them for assembly so you don't have to do everything yourself. And with no ovens or knives, you don't have to worry about scheduling a trip to the ER into the preparation process. What a timesaver!